Back to School Night[mare]

Tuesday I took the kids to back to school night, ALL the kids. Jason was working and I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. I was, of course, wrong.
First we had to meet in Regan's classroom with all the other kids and their parents. I don't think I heard a word of what the teacher had to say; I was chasing Weston the whole time. He probably wasn't as big of a distraction to everyone else as I thought he was. Or at least not until he found the teachers cow bell and started ringing it. He probably just wanted to send her the hint-we're done. She was almost finished anyway, and I had to agree, we were so done.
I took them to the playground to wait for Spencer's class time. There was a PTA meeting in the gym for all the parents during this time, but of course I'd have to be INSANE to attempt that. Not that I would have wanted to go to it under any other circumstances anyway.
While we were at the playground, I realized that Weston had a stinky diaper. Very stinky. I sent Spencer to get the diaper bag from the van, only to find out I hadn't packed any wipes. This is the point at which, if I were smart, I should have called it a night, gone home. But I'm sure Spencer wouldn't have been too keen on that idea, so we stayed. I told Regan to stay on the playground, which is literally right outside the classroom, and play with Ben.
I had no better luck in this classroom. Weston was all over the place. Only it was worse, he left a trail of smell wherever he wandered. I was getting plenty of looks from others. Especially the dads. He was constantly trying to pull things off the walls and shelves, and he'd scream every time I tried to stop him. I started to sweat. I felt like we were the center of attention, instead of the teacher. I had pretty much decided to take him back outside when an announcement came over the PA. "Sorry to interrupt, but there's a two year old boy in a red shirt looking for his mommy".
I knew it was Ben. But do I get up and walk out right now, when it will be obvious that I can't control any of my children? Or do I wait a few minutes and casually leave the room with Weston, pretending I'm going to change his diaper (everyone already knows he needs it)?
As I'm debating this, Spencer turns to me "Mom, it's Ben! You HAVE to go get him!". I guess that settles that. I get up and walk out of the classroom. I have to walk through 4 more classrooms on the way out, so now there's no question, everyone knows who it is that can't keep track of their children.
Ben was patiently waiting with a group of women. He didn't seem to be scared. I didn't ask any questions, I just thanked them and turned to leave fast, before anyone recognized me. They weren't going to let me off that easy, "He looks so familiar", one of the ladies called out, "who are his siblings that go here". Darn. They're probably fishing for information so they can turn me in to DCFS. I told them their names.

"Ohhh...the Murrays...", they said knowingly. Whatever that means.
I won't go into all the grisly details of what happened to Regan when I found him (I wouldn't DCFS to have anything else to use against me), but not to worry, he is still living.